A Female Domination Primer
If you are a first time dominant you will need to learn how to establish a tone and manner that you can sustain. If you are confident, kind, consistent, and firm you will never need to raise your voice for any reason. Your submissive must understand your needs, and your moods, in order to serve you properly; she cannot do that if you thrash wildly from one extreme to another. It is permissible, even advisable, to keep a submissive guessing, but don’t make it impossible; she already has much information to absorb and learn during this transition.
Always remember that you are not a bitch; you are a dominant Mistress. The world is full of bitchy wives, and no one wants to serve or worship a bitch. You are the Queen. Your objective is not to make her hate and despise you; your objective is to compel her to serve and adore you. You are the center of her world, don’t make it a hell.
You control every aspect of her life now, and she expects you to do just that. Never hesitate to instruct her or use her in any way that is compatible with the rules and boundaries of your agreement. It is your duty to see that she fulfills all her responsibilities and duties with proper attitude. If she fails in any duty, she must be corrected. Before you punish her, you must ask yourself why did she fail? Was she properly trained, did you give her the resources and the opportunity to succeed? Do not punish her for your failures.
If she is not performing as expected, you have resources at your disposal. Screaming and berating her are not productive options. You may restrict permissions, add remedial training or punishment exercises, or implement physical punishments. Her every action is by your permission, and your permission only. You will find that the granting and removal of permissions is a very effective tool for training and compliance. Removing permissions can have a cascading effect. In our household, if she loses the permission to wear panties, she also loses the permission to sit on the furniture.
It is your responsibility to ensure that she always displays the proper attitude. Any display of improper attitude must be dealt with promptly. If she behaves like a child, she should be dressed like a child. Age regression wardrobes are a very effective tool. Mary Janes and Bobby Sox do look sweet with a big floppy bow dress. Diapers and ruffles with locking hand mittens are very effective permission restrictions. If your bad girl needs to work off some excess energy, having her practice her cheer routines in the back yard while wearing her cheer uniform is a nice training tool, and makes some good video footage for the archive.
Your moods will fluctuate, as they always have, and your demeanor will reflect that. With proper seasoning, she will learn to read your moods and discern the difference between your mood swings and her failure to perform. If you have had a bad day and need to vent some aggression, a properly devoted servant might retrieve the strap or flogger and offer herself at the whipping post. In time, perhaps the sharpest cut of all will simply be the knowledge that she has displeased you. Her idea of heaven should be the satisfaction and fulfillment that she receives from serving and pleasing you.
After you have made the decision to live the lifestyle, and drawn up rules and boundaries, you will be tempted to begin immediately. DO NOT DO THIS! Even if you are just beginning a trial period, you absolutely must develop and hone your dominant persona. If you are not prepared and confident, you will fail, you will embarrass yourself and lose the confidence of the submissive.
You must develop a dominant persona that is consistent, sustainable, and believable. As a submissive, she expects you to direct every aspect of her life, if you fail to give consistent direction you are failing as her Mistress. You must be always dominant, and you must maintain the erotic tension which is the dynamic that drives all female led relationships.
Educate yourself. Research female led relationships and female domination. Watch movies and videos and try to emulate those Dominas who exhibit confidence and a commanding presence. For those of you that are new to the arena, the legendary Mistress T is a marvelous example of elegant domination. Watch her videos and bask in her composure and commanding presence. Re-enact some of her scenes in front of the mirror and allow her spirit to permeate your soul. Avoid webcam teeny bopper “Femdom” and “Humiliation” videos on the large porn hub sites. These are webcam actresses, not real life Dominas, and they are all reading from same old, tired, stereotypical scripts.
Every new skill requires preparation. Riding a bike, driving a car, giving a speech. All require learning and practicing until what was once frightening becomes natural. Practice in front of a mirror. If you feel too awkward to practice in front of a mirror, practice without a mirror until you become more comfortable, then practice in front of a mirror. Once you are comfortable facing yourself in a mirror, take a camera and video yourself. Watch the video, see what is working and what you need to improve upon. Each of these steps may initially cause you to cringe, however, you cannot become a true dominant until you believe in yourself.
If you struggle to develop a dominant persona, create an imaginary one. Imagine being a dominant female corporate executive treating a male personal assistant with detachment, or a wealthy debutante with a house servant. In addition to viewing videos of professional Dominas like Mistress T, you can find examples of dominant women in mainstream movies as well. If you have not seen “The Devil Wears Prada” you must do that. If you have seen it, watch it again and pay close attention to the character of Miranda Priestly. Take notes, watch the most powerful scenes repeatedly until you begin to absorb Miranda’s character. Think of her not as your end-goal, but as a learning tool. Imagine that you are an actress, and you are learning to act. Acting out different roles will allow you to assimilate the aspects of each character that are appropriate for you. Miranda doesn’t have to be your end-product, but you can act the part of Miranda and let dominance soak into your persona.
Although it is the male who is being stripped of power and laid vulnerable, it is often the female who struggles most with the power exchange. In time, however, timidity gives way to the joy and fulfillment of the power exchange as a woman slowly comes to accept the notion that she can be the dominant force, the punishing force, the benevolent force.
If you are going to be a dominant force it is vital that you exude a dominant personality. Some women may be inherently comfortable with this, most will struggle. If you are not already a dominant personality, there are steps that you can take to cultivate proper bearing and confidence.
If you are totally unsure, continue watching videos of professional and amateur dominant/submissive scenarios. Take notes of style, demeanor, scripts. It is important to go into early domination sessions with a game plan, even a rehearsed script. You may need to improvise but it is important that you get into character and stay there throughout the session. Never put yourself into a situation where you are embarrassed in front of the sub, you may never be able to overcome that. Don’t blush and giggle and act embarrassed. If you find yourself at a loss or slipping; use the escape clause. “Get out of my sight!” Don’t be afraid, make him her fear you. Ultimately, you don’t really want her to fear you, but you do want her to fear disappointing you. You will find this escape clause useful in any situation where you feel uncertain or potentially compromised.
At all costs you must avoid a “topping from the bottom” scenario. Remember, he she wants you to dominate her. Do not be embarrassed. You have every right to demand that she worships, adores, and obeys you, and pay the price if she doesn’t. In the early stages of transition, you will need to psyche yourself up before you summon her, but soon you will be able to slip into character quickly and naturally.
Dress and act accordingly. You don’t need to dress like a professional Dominatrix, although you certainly may do so on occasion. You do need to establish and maintain a commanding presence. If, in the early stages of the power exchange, you are feeling timid or squeamish about enforcing your dominance, being appropriately attired will help both of you accept your roles. You are the Queen. Just be the Queen.
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